Memo

Oh goodness, where do I even start with a reflection paper about sex? I honestly think any person could talk about it forever. Secretly, its all-most people want to talk about, because it is funny yet so interesting. Everyone is interested in everyone else’s business because everyone is curious to know if there sex lives match up with other peoples, or if their ahead of the game or behind.

I lost my virginity around three years ago, to my boyfriend who I went out with up until the first day of, this year, my freshman year at Syracuse. This kid, Eugene, I had met in my English class junior year of high school, he asked me to be his study buddy. From there it took off, with either of us knowing how any of it would turn out, we ended up really loving one another. We would always fight, but fighting is what healthy and loving relationships do right? I loved him. I don’t think I ever could have thought I could feel this way about anyone before. The feeling was uplifting and I enjoyed every minute I spent with him, and every minute I wasn’t with him I wanted to be. We were always texting (sometimes too much) but if we weren’t together we were texting and when we were with each other no one else mattered. I can’t explain the feeling but it was crazy. Love is crazy. How can another human begin make you feel so happy, so sad and so crazy sometimes. Looking back on it, I was crazy at some points, but I loved the kid, I really couldn’t help it. There was something different about him that just made me so in love with him. Maybe it was that I had to fight to get compliments or attention, but when I did it was amazing. So it made the moments that were sweet, so sweet. Like I never thought I was a “mushy” or “a feelings” person, but he made me all those things. I think that’s why I loved him so much, the fact that he could make me insane, and I never new what was coming next, it was always new, fun, and exciting. He was my boyfriend and my best friend.

But as the end of senior year rolled around, I new things were coming to an end. He was going to Umass Amherst, and I was going to be here, at Syracuse. It would never work, and it didn’t seem like he wanted it too. I was his first kiss (even though still, to this day, he wont admit it) and his first everything after that. So, obviously he wanted to experience other girls and the fun times college was supposed to bring. So it was just a said thing, that we were going to break up, even though I wanted so desperately for it to work out, I would never tell him.

In the beginning of freshman year, I was so in love with him, he pushed me away from day one of me being here. Never did he want to talk to me or skype me or even text me. He said it was because it was to hard for him, but I knew it was because he wanted to be over the relationship and me. This was devastating; I spent all of first semester getting over him, crying to my friends, my mom, anyone who could listen. It was the worst feeling, and I can’t even explain it. I never want to feel like that again. It was not only hard because I lost him, but I wasn’t with my family and friends, I had to deal with it on my own, and with the very newly made friends I had hear. I made it through though, it is almost the end of the year, and I am doing so much better, I don’t need a text from him everyday, or every two days. I am not dependent on him anymore. It is a great feeling to feel independent again, something I haven’t been able to feel in so long.

Love is the strangest, best, and worst feeling ever. I know I could never feel the same about any body else like what I felt for Eugene. He was my first for a lot of things and the first person I loved. I will always care about him and love him. There will just always be that longing feeling, it’s so hard to explain.

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